What D’you Think Of It So Far..?

Eric Morecambe, who describes himself as the tall one with the glasses, has a secret ambition to be the England team manager. He shows off his astonishing football knowledge in this exclusive SUN annual interview with Norman Giller.

What do you know about team formations, Eric?
I studied under the greatest formation expert of them all. Ada Unsworth. Her formation teams have waltzed away with all the top prizes. Using her formula, my team is sure to lead the opposition a dance.
I was born to manage football teams y’know. The midwife took one look at me and said; “I wonder how he’ll manage.”

Have you ever actually played football?
Played it? I’ll have you know sunshine, that I was rated a better finisher than the great Welsh idol Dai Stefano. I was so fast that at the end of each run for the ball I had to stop and wipe dead insects of my glasses.
Once I scored a goal within four seconds of the kick-off. It was a month before our goalkeeper forgave me. How was I to know he would be swinging on his crossbar as I sent an overhead pass back to him.
Another time I scored eight goals in one match. We drew 4-4, I forget that business about changing ends at half time.
They put me in goal for the next match. It was pouring with rain and my glasses got steamed up. Our opponents thought I played a blinder and carried me off at the end. They won 24-0.
I had a trial at Luton and was bound over to keep the peace. My eyesight was getting no better and so I gave up playing and became a referee. Had to give that up too. My whistle wouldn’t whistle. That was a big blow, I can tell you.

What would you do if you were in Don Revie’s shoes?
Walk with a limp. They’re a size too small.

What I mean is how would you go about selecting an England team?
Well for a start I wouold have Denis Healey in goal.

Denis Healey?
That’s right. He stops everything. The opposition would find it really taxing trying to beat him. The alternative would be Peter Shilton. But he’s been a bit off lately.