cont...

Who would be your full-backs?
There are so many to select from. Tate and Lyle move sweetly but they get too easily stired up and want to dish out lumps. Then there’s Tarbuck and Dodd of Liverpool. The problem with them is they’re too much tickle and not enough tackle.
Solomons and Levene could do a good job together if only they’d stop kicking each other into touch. I’m also impressed by Englebert Humperdonck and Emerson Fittipaldi but it would hold up the game too long if the referee had to take their names. So I’ll settle for Danny La Rue.

In both positions?
Of course. He’s very versatile.

What about your middle two?
I presume you mean my pair of stoppers. The very foundation of any mans team. It’s difficult to be United without them.
Well I’d have Elton John in the No.5 shirt. He gets a lot of height in those high heels of his and he turns so quickly he nearly disappears up his Yellowbrick Road.
Alongside him I would have Theo Kojak. Everytime he pushes somebody off the ball he’d say “who shoves ya, baby?”

Would you go for ball players in midfield?
There’s no answer to that. I’d have Ernie Wise and Ronnie Corbett operating together. They are what is known in football as a pair of shorts. Both of them are sponsored by Action Man.

Does Ernie Wise really wear a wig?
I’m sworn to secrecy on that one. Let’s just say he keeps Axminster Carpets in business. Without him, they’d be on the floor.
With Ern and Ronnie Corbett working together we would be able to take a short cut to victory.

What about strikers?
If there’s a strong wind in our favour, I will select Harry Secombe. He’s fantastic with the wind at his back. You must have heard of his hit film Goon With The Wind.
Wedgie Benn can play out on the left. I’m told he’s a great left winger. Harold Wilson will be at inside-left. He reckons there has been nobosy as good as him at No.10.

How about a substitute?
Jimmy Hill’s the man for the No.12 short. He can come on as an action replay and can then achieve a lifetime’s ambition by interviewing himself after the match.

The Editor of this SUN annual has asked us to kindly leave thee page, Eric.
I’m with you sunshine. But before we go I’d just like to wish the readers an astonishingly happy Christmas and a swinging 1978.
I leave you with this thought from Long John Silver: There are only 365 hopping days to next Christmas.
Be honest, folks, what d’you think of it so far…?